How I got strong again after breast cancer: ‘When I lift a barbell, I feel alive’

After my double mastectomy, I could barely do a push-up. It was CrossFit that made me feel back in control of my body

My first push-up after a double mastectomy felt like snapping an ancient rubber band. The anticipation of resistance in my chest and arms, followed by an emptiness, a blank, an absence. For a moment I lay facedown on the bouncy black floor of the gym. I let out something between a laugh and a sob. And then I rolled over on to my back. After a moment or two, I realized it was the only way I could stand up. My arms had nothing to offer.

It had been about three months since my surgery. I had succeeded in my ambition of getting back to CrossFit. But something more than my breasts were missing.